Our room was in the block closest to the Lobby and furthest from the beach. This turned out to be a lucky break because most days start at the Lobby with a good coffee, the open buffet is nearby and it's a nice place to chill out. Our room was spacious and colourful with a small balcony.
One of the best features of the resort, by far, is the beach, an endless strip of white sand and crystal clear, almost fluorescent, turquoise sea. We spent our first morning there and it was great to relax. We have never been very beachy people, but the salty sea was a balm to my bites. More on my bites later.
There are two swimming pools at Memories; the activity pool and 'la piscina tranquila' (the quiet pool) both with swim up bars. So, that's the good stuff.
In all honesty I was ready to go home after five days, although I dreaded the journey. There have been highs and lows, mostly lows. I could write an entire book about how bad the food was but 'The Cuban Restaurant' was stand out disgusting. We ordered our food and decided to treat ourselves and buy a bottle of wine, after all it was our first full day and our first A La Carte dinner. We should have stuck to the perfectly adequate (and free) wine by the glass. We paid 15 cuc for some alcoholic battery acid! We gave it to a group of girls at the next table when we fled soon after our food arrived. I don't really remember what I ordered because the image of what Ken was served obliterates all else. It was described as 'Beef in his own juice', when it arrived it was a dollop of wet fibres stuck together with smelly, gelatinous goo. Que aproveche!
The next night was better at the Japanese 'Red Dragon'. The chef did some knife juggling and we were seated around him in a group of 10. This was more what we had hoped for, a chance to meet people and enjoy some good food. We met a charming Canadian couple, originally from Poland, who were in their seventies, interesting and fun. Although the food wasn't very adventurous, it was freshly cooked to order and not bad at all.
The following night, being Saturday, was the 'Memories Special Dinner' by the piscina tranquila, followed by a Michael Jackson tribute show. Unfortunately for me the previous day I had been talking to a couple from Essex on their last night in the resort, and shared with them that we had a reservation for this special event. They told me they had attended the week before and it had been the best food they had eaten during their entire stay except.... and then they stopped. 'Except what'? I asked. 'Don't tell her' said the husband. 'You can't do that' I cried 'you have to tell me now'. 'It's just that it was teeming with rats' said the wife. Aaarg! 'They weren't near the food' she said by way of reassurance. I wish I'd never asked, this kept me awake, tossing and turning, all night. Luckily for me it was a wash-out due to torrential rain and the electricity going on and off like a whore's drawers, phew. The Michael Jackson show was off, too. I blame it on the Boogie!
We spent that evening in the Lobby watching sheets of rain fall and and the sky lighting up as the storm raged, not every body's idea of fun but we loved it. Ken had secretly been hoping for a hurricane. We passed the night chatting to a young Canadian couple who were great company. She had moved to Canada from Brazil and he was of Portuguese descent. We talked about life and we told them about some of our past projects, the successes and the failures. That made them laugh.
Here I have to digress and vent spleen on the most annoying aspect of our trip so far, the Canadian tourists. They are the life-blood of tourism here - it's a very cheap holiday for them and a mere three hour flight. In the same way that not all British tourists are lager louts or football hooligans, there are of course, many Canadian visitors that do not belong in this category of loud-mouthed, obese slobs. I am no light-weight myself but here I looked like an anorexic on a crash diet! I never thought I was 'fattist' but when confronted with gluttony 'en masse' like this, it made my blood boil. The all-you-can-eat buffet was a sight to see, someone should put a sign up explaining that doesn't mean 'all it's humanly possible to consume'. I don't think it has ever occurred to any of them to eat when they're hungry. One small example of this was a woman with 22 pieces of cake on her plate, she was tempted by a 23rd, but realised it was an architectural impossibility.
They are easy to spot, they don't have limbs, they appear as enormous 25 stone (350 pounds) flesh mountains with hands and feet stuck on and sunglasses on the back of their fat necks - and that's just the women! They're like some weird tribe, and they've come prepared, carrying barrel-sized flasks so that they can get 3 litres of beer or Pina Colada at a time and save themselves having to waddle to the bar too often. I wanted some photographic evidence but realised it was just wrong and I might get my skinny arse sued.
It occurs to me that the cushiest job here must be working in the fitness centre. They should offer liposuction, they'd be able to fuel the whole resort on the yield. Phew - I feel better for getting that off my puny chest.
Put me OFF big time.... will stick to my plans to visit one of the Caribbean islands instead I think..... have seen the cars on tv anyway.....
ReplyDeleteIs there a 6th episode - I hope that things got better for you